Childhood Death . . .

Death in the world of childhood is in Chapter 10, Death, Society, and Human Experience. Kastenbaum again, bringing me to a new level of exploration. Here I was prompted to think about my experiences with death from my childhood. Death was treated in my home as something that avoided details. I remember asking more questions about my dog’s death because my father did not really give me satisfying answers. When I asked my father, “How did he die?” My father’s response was, “I do not know.” It seemed like the uncomfortable answers were always answered with “I do not know” responses. As a child, that made me want to know even more. So, I would ask my older brothers who had no trouble telling me exactly what happened. My dog had died from old age. When my brother woke up one morning, my dog was on the kitchen floor, cold and not breathing. When my brother went over to pet him, he was “stiff.” My brother got my father and they buried my dog in the backyard. A big mound of dirt with a flower on top is where my dog “left to go to heaven.” My parents were not comfortable telling me the truth about death until I was older. They would tell me some aspects of death but would be vague with the true details.
I remember when my grandmother passed away. I remember my mother crying for days. She could not eat or sleep. It was a very sad time for our entire family. My grandmother suddenly passed away at age 63. After the shock of her mother’s death, my mother slowly began to resume her own life. I remember feeling happy that my mother’s eyes were no longer swollen. I felt happy again too. I just wanted to be a child again; however, in the weeks to come, I realized that my grandmother was not coming back. The next holiday came two months after her death. Thanksgiving was terrible. My grandmother was not there and my family was sad again. I remember feeling like my life would never be the same. Death was permanent. I wish my parents would have given me that information earlier in life. It took a year of each holiday and each birthday without my grandmother there for me to figure that out.
I think death is a subject that should be treated on a case-by-case basis with children. As a parent, I will not avoid the death conversation with my children. I will try to answer the question honestly and calmly. Kastenbaum lists the stages of death comprehension in childhood in a table on page 324. Stage 1 age range is from 3 – 5 years and the interpretation of death is like a separation. Stage 2 age range is from 5 – 9 years and these children realize death is final. And Stage 3 the age range is from 9 years – adult and death is personal, universal, final, and inevitable. I agree with these stages, ages, and interpretations of death.